my love letter to the class of 2020

It’s been a few since I’ve posted and I apologize. When I first created my blog two years ago, I planned for it to be something trendy; full of eye candy. But as recent events have occurred, I have a desire to be more authentic and real with you all. I need somewhere to voice my thoughts in hopes that I can help myself and others recover.

This is my Senior year.  

God seriously blessed me with an amazing start. I met new friends and became closer with people already present in my life. I had new experiences and crazy fun nights I’ll never forget with the class of 2020. I grew passions I never knew I had and made an effort to choose kindness & happiness everyday.  

And then it happened. 

I’m going to be honest and say I’ve never felt more empty than what I feel right now. I’ve been afraid to talk about it with others (besides my family) because of the fear of people’s opinions. I’m afraid of “it’s just high school” and “you’ll get over it.” Because the truth is I know in the future I will heal; but right now this is my world. Our world. 

 I’m also sad. I’m sad I won’t be able to tell my children about my prom or show them pictures with my friends all dressed up. I’m sad I won’t be able to show them videos of my sister and I walking across the stage at graduation in june or pictures of us surrounded by family after receiving our diplomas. I’m sad I won’t get to dance ever again or get to practice in the “infamous” Bowie HS dance gym with my team one last time. Gosh I’m even sad I’ll never get to walk the halls of my high school. 

These were supposed to be our last few moments of youth before we stepped into the world as adults. The fun times before we leave our safe places and adventure into the unknown of what it means to be a “grown up”. 

Class of 2020, we’ve been forced to get older and stronger beyond what our years have told us to be. 

I know people are thinking “don’t be ignorant” & “this is what is good for the community.” 

And I’m trying so hard to not be selfish and angry. 

But I can’t. I’m in pain. 

I’m stuck in my room and I think. And even when I move into other rooms, I feel trapped in my own house. I get inside my head and worry and think about everything going wrong.

But I also know there are people out there who understand. 

Whether that be 9/11 or hurricane Katrina, disasters have happened before and we have gotten through them. I know there are people out there who care. 

Others experience much greater pains than what I am feeling and I applaud them for staying brave and moving forward. I praise our health care workers who are fighting this terrible virus and pray for those who are suffering. You are all much stronger than I am. 

So here’s my love letter to the class of 2020.

I see you, I feel your grief, and I’m here for you. We WILL get through this together. This will not bring us down, but build us up. We must refuse to let this virus defeat us. We will come out of this stronger. And when we do, we will celebrate because god has glorious plans for us all. & we will change the world. Class of 2020, You wholeheartedly have all my love.

And to the others who will go back next year…

I’ve been thinking about what people always say when they graduate: “It goes by so fast, so take in every second.” 

But if I would have known that last year’s Spring Show was my last time on stage and if I knew that Wednesday afternoon I left early for my off period that it was my last time on campus, it would have been different. I would have been different.

So to the other classes, the ones who will graduate in the coming years, my personal “graduating” piece of advice is this: “You never know what life will throw at you, so not only take in every second but be grateful for every moment you are given.”

I’m praying for everyone in pain and who has suffered loss during these times.

I have a loving support system (my family) behind me & as the rest of the world is doing, we are trying to get through these trying times together.

Be there for your loved ones and hug them tight. Everyone deserves a little extra squeeze right now. 

Xoxo Megs

Here’s some quotes from an article about the situation from a parent’s perspective that has helped me feel less alone & It’s linked below:

“You’re about to step into adulthood and it’s like someone took the last three steps from the top of the staircase. Now there’s a huge gaping hole between the step you were on and the platform you’re going to (Rapson, 6).”

“do what only you can do: turn back around and climb the steps again. Face the chasm, and face this truth: this pandemic, and this loss, cannot take away your purpose (Rapson, 11).”

“I know you were put here for such a time as this. And I believe in you (Rapson, 16).”

Dear Class of 2020: It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way